THE FINAL CHAPTER - 30

i wasted my life on those bullshit


i regret everything

after that my mom is gone,

i hated my life






zaina slept in my house for a week

then she went back to her family


i thought and thought

why am i doing this?


i'm a BITCH

i know that

but i'm gonna change

in a blink of an eye

a lot of things change 

i don't want to die this way

im not gonna be the same me anymore

i left zaina , m7amd and ali



----------------with zaina------------------

me: zaina i dont want to be who i am anymore


zaina: what you mean


me: i dont know what i was thinking about when i told you i love you

i never thought that i will be a lesbo someday

i want to change

i wanna be a good girl

i wanna be the old me

the girl who used to be with her mother all the time

the girl who asks her mother before doing any single thing

i hate my self

i hate everything

i dont wanna be lesbian anymore

please understand me you're my best friend my sister

i love you but this way

i want to end everything between us even our friendship

zaina: awh yeah i understand, 

...

...

...

zaina: mnera?

me: hmm?

zaina: i just want to tell you that i love you!

i will never forget you

i thought we're gonna be friends like before

but you asked me to end everything

you asked me to forget you

well, i cant and you should know that

-you are the best thing that ever  happened in my life

-you will be the one who i'll think about all the time

before i sleep 

when i have nothing to do

when i lie on bed doing nothing

when i wake up

when i listen to a love song

- you are the one i loved the most

more than myself 

more than anything

but i don't think you fell for me

if you did you wont let go of me

you would hold on me hold on to our love

you don't love me the way i love you

you will forget me easily 

but i won't forget you till the end of the world

mara7 y2thr feich hal kalam, so

goodluck in your life

and goodbye

me: bye


then i deleted her number



she was sad i know

But what can i do?






....



















-------------------with ali------------

ali knew about my mom

he called me:


ali: mnaor aby achofch

me: what ?? hhh no 3li noo

i'm gonna change i answered you to tell you that i want to forget you i will change

ali: mnera a7bich!!!!

me: ali! bye


....

















---------------with m7amd-----------
i sent him a text massage
telling him everything
he understood me
and we are over






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life is short

i realized that the mother is everything

she knows what's right and what's wrong

she loves us

she cares

she's the person we need

i lost her

who els do i have?

Stepmother ?

young brother?

fake friends?

people i have left?

i started to have these long nights where i just lay down in bed and remember things i wish them to come back

i will miss my old life

i will miss the old people 

i wish life goes on the way i want

they way i choose

the way i decide 







months later



i was in qurtoba co-op

with 3abod

then i saw zaina


she gave me that look

and her eyes  filled of tears
and she smiled

i smiled back

and went



.......



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


hey my lovely readers


i really love you guys

and this is the end

i will miss youuuu alot

i hate endings 


gooooooddddbbbbyyyyeeeeeee love you all :*****

CHAPTER 29

days passed



nothing happened ...



everything was the same

me & zaina together

me& m7amd together

me& ali friends




i woke up and called zaina to go out



she was busy with her mother



i called ali he was busy with  his mother


i called m7amd he was with his family



im alone ???





why is everyone with their mothers?



i opened my iphone


checked insta



oh my god!!


its mothers day




and i forgot to buy something to my mother


but its too late


it 5 pm


where can i find something nice to her


i should buy something right now and also a cake



she will hate me if she find out



i went to the bathroom


washed my face took a shower

went out

curled my hair

applied some make up

wore my clothes and accessories

took my bag and went by my car to salhiya complex


and i forgot that i forgot my credit card in zaina's car

me "OH MY GOD WHAT I'M GONNA DO NOW!!"

i have no money in my bag

so i went to my house again


told my dad

he gave me his card


and i went again to cartier



bought bracelet


and went quickly to the car


10 mins later


i realized that i forgot my dad's card in cartier



so? i went back to cartier salhiya

and took it


and went back


bought a red velvet cake


, balloons and flowers




and went to mom house it was 9 and half i guess





the maid opened the door


went inside


none of mom and abdullah was their


i asked nina "the maid"


where is mom and 3bdallah??


nina: they traveled

me: what?? where ? when? why?


nina: i dont know

me: ok



i went back to the car

shocked


i was hungry so i decided to go to b&w - qurtoba




and thinking


she didn't tell me

why??


where did she go to??


and why?


what about abdulla's school??


what the fuck is going on??


i called grandma


and asked her



me: alo?

grandma: alo?

me: mama mariam?

grandma: 3ayshaa??

me: la ama mnera

grandma: halla mnera *mad voice*

me: shlounich ? shakhbarech ?

grandma: el7mdellah

me: wen omy?

grandma: al7een ts2leen??

me: ...

grandma: ra7t fransa

me: 3bod weyaha?

grandma: eeh mayaby yhed omaah

me: aa ... bro7hom?

grandma: la weya khalich jasim w khaltich amany

me: laysh??

granmda: *she cried*

me: shnuu!!! ta .. ta7ch-ch-ay-y t7achya shfeha omy???


she cried louder and louder


me: OMYY SHFEEHAAA????


she closed the phone


something bad is happening to mom

i called her again she didn't pick it up


i cried

trying to call anyone


but i no one is answering me



i went back home

dad and a7lam were looking at me

holding the cake, flowers and the cratier

put them at the able

dad: shfech?

a7lam: laysh ma36ety omech ?

i didn't say a word


walked to my room and lied on my bed


closed my eyes and cried


dad came


and sat next to me


dad: mnera?

mnera?

me: hmm?

dad: shfeich? sh9ar beinch w bain omech?

me: dad i-i-i cant talk

i cried louder

and he hugged me

i hugged him


me: omy feha shay


dad: shfeha?

me:i don't know

shes not in the house

ra7t franc with 3bod khalty w khaly

dad: haw laysh??


me: ma adryyyy , dget 3la mama mariam galtly enha msafra w gtlha shfeha bchat w sdta bwyyhy

i'm sure feha shay

*crying*

thaga cancer ?

dad: m- ma-adry


entay namy w ana achof shel salfa

me: okay

he kissed my forehead


and closed they door& lights


and went out


i cried all night long


till i woke up the next day


went down


and i heard my dad talking to a7lam


dad: walla madry shlon bagolaha

a7lam: chena 7asa ena feha cancer

dad: shakly bakhith mnera awl matkhl9 el finals w nro7

a7lam: w btkhleenyyy:(

dad: taben tyeen mthlan?

a7lam: 7bebe shfeeik atghshmr ma3aik

...







i went back up to my room




I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST HEARD


MOM?

CANCER?

IS IT REAL?

I DONT THINK I'M GONNA BE THE SAME ME ANYMORE



i cried
dad came to me after 5 mins

dad: mnera?

me; i know... sma3tik


dad: muta tkhal9en finals?

me: mu al7een finals

dad; y3ny tgdren tyen weyay

me: eeeeeh


........







i went with dad to france


we arrived at 2 am

dad: yla namy w bacher el9b7 awl matgomen nro7laha

me: ok t9b7 3la khair


dad: went men ahlah


i set the alarm at 7 am


when it rang


i woke up bsrrr33aa woke dad up


dad: n6raaaay b3d shwaay



i shouted ETHA MNTA GAYEM ARO7 BRO7Y!!! 3ADY MA HAMNYYY

dad: was shocked of me


he woke up



we didn't ate breakfast



we arrived the hospital


i ran like a crazy


to reach my mom's room

when i entered

the nurses were around her


me: i came closer and closer to her bed


nurse : shes gone


....



i turned around

me; yuba?

shgal?

matat??


dad couldnt say a thing



i shouted and cried as hard as i could


i cant believe that!!!


mom???


shes gone!!!


i went back to the hotel



and my eyes were full of tears

red

i was shaking


my dad was talking to 3abod

i lied on bed


i remembered every beautiful moment i spent with mom


she was my first love

and she's gonna be my last love


i love her

i just want to tell her i'm sorry but its too late

 she's gone

forever

i regret everything

i regret every time i shouted at her

i regret every time she asked me for something and i said NO to her

i regret every time i told her I HATE YOU
i swear i don't mean it

i regret every time she told me i miss you aby achofch and i told her i'm busy

i wish i lived with her

i wish i made time for her

i wished i showed her that i love her

she thinks that i don't love her

she thinks i hate her

she thinks i forgot her



i swear i dont



...

CHAPTER 28

someone opened the door


i was afraid

so i pushed ali and turned around to see who opened the door




it was



.....




..........










it was his mother !!




ali's mother: MNERA??

i was so shocked that my mouth was opened

i couldn't spell a word

ali: aah yuma ... mu .. muta yetay...


none of us said something ...

and both of us was shocked,,


i thought that my life is over now


she will tell a7lam and her family

and of course a7lam is going to tell my dad



i looked at the ground

i really don't know what to say nor do



ali's mother laughed : 7aya allah mneeraaa


suddenly i heard a voice

laughing and talking

there's more than one person in this house

not just ali's mother


1 min later

of standing gazing at ali's mother + i couldn't close my mouth yet


MNEERRRAAA!!!! *shocked voice*


"laughingggg"


it was a7lam and her sister


a7lam: shyaaaybeeech ??


i still couldn't find the right thing to say


i looked up at them

finding an evil smile on their faces


i closed my eyes wished that it was just a dream


i wish i didn't hugged him

i wish i didn't come here

i wish i ....


huhhh


there's nothing i can say

maku majal arage3 elmawthou3


ali's mother: athary m9a7ebha men zmaan??

a7lam: la yemkin 7baw b3th men elzuwara


i took my stuff and left the house without saying a word


a7lam: mneerraa ne6raay *shouting*


i was near the door downstairs

i wanted to leave

t3aly g3day


i gave her my back and made my way out


when i wanted to go inside the car


a7lam: mneraa!!! ra7 nt7acha bel mwthou3 !!! al7een wela b3daain


i didn't say a word


got into the car

drove back home



when i arrived home


i called ali


he answered


ali: ga3d ystajwbony!!!

i heard "ga3d t7acheeik mneraa?"


ali: wait


seconds..


ali: aloo

me: alo

ali: t7achy 6al3t barra 3anhom

me: i hate you !!!

ali: mnera listen walla maknt adre byrj3oon

me: al7een wen awady wayhe ?? fashla!!

ali:  gtlich 3adi mara7 ysawon shay 7grehom

me: noooo!!!! walla tgul 7g oboy ana atwaq3 kel shay menha

ali: shd3wa la latkhafeen

me: 7aail tenarfazt

ali: i'm sorry

me: huhhh nevermind im gonna sleep now gabl la trja3 a7lam

ali: ok goodnight

me: gn


i closed the phone took a shower and slept




the next day I woke up


I went to the bathroom got out called the maid tyebly breakfast


stayed in my room till 3 pm

then a7lam came


well I cant tell her that ali is not my bf

so I said

that we are together now

and I didn't want to hug him bs gh9abny


a7lam: allah ykhlekom 7g ba3th

me: hh amen

a7lam: 3ad matfkren 7g b3dain???

me: sure

a7lam: yla bs kbrtw wayh zwaj enty

me: ok bs khn9aker elmwtho3

a7lam: *laughing*tst7en?

me: jad stop it

a7lam: inzain













........





..............








...................



"mnera?"



"mneraaa?"


"hellloooo???"


"manoooor"

me: haaa??

zaina: come on wake up

me: why?

zaina: because i'm here

me: so?

zaina: you cant leave me alone waiting for u to wake up

me: uh ok

i woke up went to the bathroom and stayed with zaina

days passed

and im so close with zaina more than i was with aisha



we spend all the day with each other

everyday

every minute



once...



i was thinking


i love zaina


but as what?


friend ??


best friend??


sister??


or more??



i just don't know what is going on..



i love her...


i love her...


i love her...



i want her!!...


no no no its a wrong idea!!

what the fuck im talkin about?

why i'm i thinking about!!

i'm losing my mind


hey, why not? she's beautiful , funny simply ''perfect''


and she want me...

naaaahhh




forget all those bullshit





the next day


i accidentally  showed her than i'm having crush on her..


i guess she felt and knew



and the next day


she talked to me and i told her how i feel ....










i might be crazy but i want to do this!!




uh wait !!! i'm lesbian ??

i used to hate them!


now i'm one of them..










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sorry guys for not posting but i'm back again

and i guess the next chapter will be the end

love you all xox