CHAPTER 5

i was talking to my self







"his mind is somewhere far away"







" i have to do something!"





"why be afraid?"





i decided to let him know that i know everything about him






i went to the living room


standing in front of him so brave 



dad: khala9 okaay salam

oh manor ga3da?


i wanted to say something


but i cant



i was thinking of mom if she found out




fear is chasing me
my eyes wore full of tears



i suddenly had a hard time breathing

i panicked


i fell on the floor crying like a baby

crying so loud



dad turned off the music and came to me


i don't want to see him i don't want to talk to him


dad: shfech tabcheen


he almost  hugged me


me: back off

dad: shfeech mnera?

me: i hate you GO AWAAY


i ran to my room

slammed the door behind me

and locked it

l kept screaming and crying

i held the pillow

and held it against my mouth

and yelled as hard as i could

i hugged my teddy bear

and told him everything

i don't care if he understood me

at least he stayed quiet

and listened to me when i talked


my eyes wore red 





"mneraaa b6aly elbab"






"mneerraaa khal afahmech"







"mneerraaa yalaaa"





it was my father




he cant say anything

i know whats happening i'm not kid anymore



i'm a woman i understand


i know, i feel, i think




but daddy thinks that im still his baby girl



suddenly



i don't know whats happening to me



i wiped my tears

took a breath



opened the door

and smiled at his face


he sat on my bed


dad: mnera 7bebtyy lish tabchen maku shay

me: who are you talking to?

dad: rfejy

me: oo mnu hatha?

dad: 9a7byy bu khalaf

me: chthy t7achy

dad: ee e7na n7achy ba3ath shfeech



he hugged me but i pushed him away and stood up


me: yuba 3balk ana lel7en yahel? im not a kid stop lying  i know it not your friend

dad: la yubaa shfech chthy "laughed" 

me: abe at2akad prove it

dad: shtabeny aswe?


i went to the living room and took his phone


came back to him


" unlock it"

i told him in loud voice with anger 


he unlocked his iphone and told me


dad: taben t7achena? "laughing"


me: ee?


6ala3 his number "بو خلف"


dad: yala degay


he was confident and gave me an evil smile



i knew that this num is not the girl

so i went to the "phone"

"recent calls"

and sheft akher mokalma

"خلف بو2"



catch ya



he saw what i did


and i called



he took the phone meny bsrrrr333aaa and he said



"laaa hatha yeftha7naa"
dad




me; you was talking to him mins ago!!

dad: la yuba shfeech laa




me: I HATE YOUU I HATE YOU !! YOU HAVE KIDS DAD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

''shouting at him''


dad: mnera 7bebty ...

me: OUT ! NOW!!



he went out of my room

i locked my room's door

and cried again



its so hard for me to see something like that


why the hell my dad chthy?

why cant i be like my friends having a perfect family?

why am i not normal ?

why is this happening to me i wish i wasn't born

i wish i die

i wish i'm not mnera

i wish i have another family


i called khalty i'm so close with her shes just like my mother

i always find her when i need her shes always by my side 

shes not too old but she advices me listens to me understand me so i told her

she was shocked and calmed me down 

she said that she's coming to me

i told her that i will check on abdullah then wear my clothes w aro7 3ndaha i need her




i fell down


closed my eyes
and
breathed slowly



then i lied down on bed

talking to god

crying

hoping

asking for solution

i know that the only one who will help me

is my god

the only one who listen

the only one who i can be weak in front

god never let me down

i know what i'm getting through now bs everything will turn good
by time


i went to abdullah thanks god he was asleep

i woke him up

we changed our clothes


i went to daddy's room

he was sleeping

i took money from his wallet

then khalty called me


r7t ma3a

len 6 or 7 am

we ate breakfast out

chatted laughed

i had fun


at 12pm

i called dad



he didn't answered



i called 2 pm
he didn't pick it up



i called him at 5 , 7still


9 pm he called


i let abdullah talk to him


he told him ena 6l3na ma3a khalty







and we did





i saw him bl-living room

alone

abdullah ran to him and hugged him



but i went to my room





someone entered my room



it was ....


............
twitter: @thereisnochance


ask: ask.fm/thereisnochance